You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
