Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
