He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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