I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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