yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
