apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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