i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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