Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
