Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+41): View more from Switzerland

look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

(1-907): View more from Alaska

Sarah Palin

(907): View more from Alaska

god, I love you

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(765): View more from Indiana

I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

(248): View more from Michigan

There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

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(314): View more from Missouri

The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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(312): View more from Illinois

We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it

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(305): View more from Florida

Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?

(786): View more from Florida

No!

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