I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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