i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
