I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
