I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
