he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
