is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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