So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
