I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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