we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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