The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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