the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love you. Go after that dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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