nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
