Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
