im six kinds of drunk right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
