And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
