oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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