I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
