Umm I'm too high to move.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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