just come out here and I will go home with you...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
