I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
