I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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