My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
