You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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