just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
