He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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