I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
