Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
