JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
