Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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