By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
