Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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