you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
