Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
