I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
