Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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