Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
