Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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