well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize