he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize