Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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