I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
