I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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