I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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