My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's get the cat blown out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
