dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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