my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
