I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize