im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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