the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
