Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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