I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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