I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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