What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
