You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
