Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
