There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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