sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
