it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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