Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
