Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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