I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
