Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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