I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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