bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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