Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
