Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
