One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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