I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
