I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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