he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
