I'm going to jail i love you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
